adventures with Noodle Boy

Noodle Boy is a nickname my son had when he was a tiny guy and I started this blog. His nickname changes all the time. (Don't worry, we keep his real name the same.) He is completely awesome. Read on and see for yourself!

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

The Little Slugger's Big Game

Jon started T-ball this week.  Little League will never be the same.

The weather has been total crap this past month, so they only had 2 practices before their first game. But T-ball is all about learning the basics so it wasn't a huge deal that out of the 7 kids on the team only about 2.5 of them knew what was going on at the first game.  Jon was not part of that 2.5.

Our first hang up of the night was with the uniform.

"Come out and let me see how cute you are in your uniform, Buddy!"

"I can't walk in these pants, they're all jacked up behind my knees!"

"Why are they bunched up?"

"Cuz they won't slide over my jeans."

"Why are you wearing your jeans?"

"I thought it was like snow pants."

"No.  Not like snow pants. You don't wear anything under baseball pants." And that statement is what led to our next issue.

"Mom, these pants make my buns itch."  Well, I'm no dummy, I knew what that meant.

"Buddy, are you wearing underwear?"

"No, you said I don't wear anything under baseball pants." I did say that, didn't I?

"Get your underwear back on! You don't wear other pants under your baseball pants.  ALWAYS wear underwear.  Never leave the house without under wear."

"OK, good, because that was REALLY itchy."

I'm really glad we got that figured out before we got to the field, I don't know if I could have let him play knowing he was going commando.

We went to the game early for supper.  Jon has been waiting since the first practice for the concession stand to open, so we had a pregame banquet of hotdogs and goldfish crackers.

Since absolutely nothing escapes this kid he had to point out this sign to his father:

"Look, Dad.  No chewing here.  See?  It says it on that sign.  See the seat belt?  That means you can't do it."

"Dad's not going to chew here. Just eat your hotdog, it's almost time for your game."

"Okay, but first I have to go to the bathroom."

Normally when we go places I just take him into the ladies room with me. But I thought since he's getting bigger, maybe it was time to send him in alone.

"Do you want to go in the boys bathroom by yourself?"

"Yeah, I don't have to poop or anything."  Well thank god for that.

He strolled in and did a pretty quick u-turn and was standing in the doorway giving me the sideways thumb point.

"Uh... Mom?"  I already have bathroom phobias, this was not helping.

"What?! What's in there?  What's wrong in the bathroom?"

And of course I just go waltzing in, totally forgetting that what I was walking into was a public MEN'S RESTROOM.  It was awful.  It smelled.  And of course there were urinals on the walls, and thank the good lord that nobody was standing at any of them.  Jon has never actually dealt with a urinal before, only being privy to the ladies privy for his 5 years and he really had no idea what to do. Also, they were about eye level to him.

"Oh geez, I forgot about those! Let's just go to the girls bathroom, okay?"

"Yeah, that's a good idea..." He was eyeballing the urinals with awe, I was dry heaving.

We survived the bathroom and then it was game time.

The first couple of innings went off without a hitch.  Jon only tried to climb to the top of the dugout a few times and didn't club anybody with a bat, so I was feeling pretty good about the night.  But a couple innings was about all Jon had in him. Then things started falling apart.

First he spotted his brother in the stands and thought he needed to come give him a hug.  Which wouldn't have been quite as bad if his team had been up to bat and he was just hanging out in the dugout.  But he actually left his spot in the outfield to hug it out.  I peeled him off the bleachers and dumped him back at the gate with firm instruction not to leave the field again until the game was over. I got the stink eye for that.

Things got a little better when his team was batting and most of them were in the dugout together acting like 5 year olds.
Here's my little slugger.  That would be the aforementioned Men's Room in the background.

After he "hit it out of the park" (or almost to the pitcher's mound) he started to round the bases, but made a detour back to home plate when he got to 2nd.  I was sure he was asking to go to the bathroom so I started making my way down the bleachers to take him when I discovered that he didn't need to go to the bathroom, he just had a really funny face he wanted to show Coach Travis.  Then back to 2nd he ran.  Other mom's laughed at how cute it was.  I decided we were going to learn our own special baseball signals so he could know I was yelling at him when no one else did.

After the funny face fiasco Jon was about ready to call it a night.  He had a hotdog, he got to use the bat, he made a funny face.  He was good.  But there was still a lot of time left in the game and back out to the outfield they went.  Jon is not very good at "Stopping the ball"  but he's got "Good hustle" I hear, so I think he'll get better with time.  Right now though , it's just mayhem when ever he's in the field.  He will run from his position at third to the fence behind first.  It's like playing fetch with a dog, there's no stopping the chase once that ball is in the air.  By the 5th inning he was pretty cranky that he wasn't ever getting the ball.  It getting to be tackle baseball by the end of the night.

This is a 3-man dog pile on a baseball.  Jon actually laid flat on the ball and the coach had to come get it from him.  Twice.  I'm pretty sure they wore out the phrase "We're all on the same team, guys..."

We have 2 games a week through the end of May.  Jon is pretty sure that Cubby Bear is going to show up at one of them.  And I believe there was mention of giant foam fingers... He's got pretty big ideas about the rest of the season.  I'll be excited if he remembers to wear underwear to all of the games.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Baseball game

Oh my word.
It's July.
Summer is half over.

I know that seems like a dramatic statement, but it really is for people in Iowa. For some stupid reason, our kids start school in the middle of August. So summer is whizzing by and I still haven't shared some of the cool stuff from last summer.
I will likely be randomly posting about stuff that happened almost a year ago. Because in my funny little head, Jon is so fabulous that he should be immortalized and this blog is my best chance to make that happen.

Hey, nobody forced you to ride this crazy train, you people are lining up for tickets.

Last summer, my work had an "outing" with employees from other offices in our area and we went to watch the ICubs play at Principal Park . I was sure that Jon was going to have the time of his life.

At the time we were still pretty home based because I was sure that anything later than an 8 o'clock bedtime would warp my child, so a trip to town on a week night made me absolutely GIDDY. Like, up past ten on a school night giddy. Not sure why, for Pete's sake I was 32.

So we went downtown. Jon was pumped. We were having supper "somewhere". Jon loves supper "somewhere", which is any place but our house. We got to the ball field and did some family-friendly tailgating and Jon made fast friends with another little nut that was running around there. They pulled grass by the handful and stuck it down each others shirts and other little boy stuff. It was adorable.

Then it was time to go in. It was time for the BIG fun. Jon got to hold his very own ticket on the way in, which definitely started his night out on the right foot. He thought he was pretty hot stuff walking in the gate with his ticket pressed against his forehead so everybody could see it. The fact that every other person in the stadium had to have a ticket to get in was lost on him. As far as he knew, he had the golden ticket.

Another plus was getting to have snacks after supper. His very own bag of popcorn to spill AND a pretzel. And that was before we even got to our seats! We could have gone home right then and he would have thought it was a banner evening.

The Black Guy
In we marched, found our seats and sat down. And out popped a typical Jon statement. "Hey mom, why's that black guy got such a big belly?" Oh dear God. "Hey, Buddy? Let's ask questions in our quiet voice okay? And let's not talk about people's bellies." "But he keeps shaking it around. Look!" And of course he points. Why wouldn't he point?
Well it turns out the "black guy" was really a white umpire in a black shirt and hat, and his "belly" was that pad thing they wear to keep from getting whacked in the chest. Whew. Dodged that socially awkward bullet. After that it was so loud that nobody would be able to hear any of his chirping, so I felt pretty good about the rest of the night.

Giant Hot Dog
It was your typical baseball game. There were mascot races. Jon was terrified when the giant Kum and Go hotdog ran through the stands.

Cubby Bear-not wearing pants
Cubby Bear wandered around and hugged kids and pretended he didn't hear Jon ask why he didn't wear pants.

We headed home before the game was over, Jon was tired and was very sweetly asking if we could go home since it was dark. It was a great night. A night I was sure Jon would remember fondly for the rest of his life.
Not one that would end in screaming the whole way home.
Because for the love of everything holy, WE MISSED DORA.
A magical night of fun and snacking and mascots trumped by that little bitch and her talking monkey.
Thanks for nothing, Nick, Jr.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

What Jon Said

Me to some random driver:"Nice turning signal, Jackass!"
Jon: "MOM, we don't say 'Jackass.' Next time, take a deep breath and think of a different word to say. BREATHE AND THINK when you're mad."
Me:"Hey! It's not okay for you to say 'Jackass', even if you're telling me it's not nice."
Jon: "See it happened again, I don't think you breathed and thinked, Mom."


Jon using the Loud Kid Whisper at church: "Mom, who frows up on these cushions?"
Me: "What?!"
Jon: "These cushion...who frows up on them?"
Me: "What are you talking about?"
Jon: "You said not to put my shoes on the Puke Cushions. Do people puke at church?"
Me: "PEW cushions. This bench is called a PEW and this is the cushion that goes on it. Pew cushion, not puke cushion."


Me: "Hey buddy, that's not a very good choice. We've talked about this before. I almost dropped this whole plate of hamburgers when you jumped out and scared me."
Jon: "Sorry, Mom."
Me: "Stop laughing! I'm being serious! What if I had dropped our food out here on the ground? We wouldn't have anything to eat for supper. That wouldn't be very funny, would it?"
Jon: "No....but I bet the cat would think it's funny."


Me: "Um, Sir? Where exactly are all of your hangers?"
Jon: "I don't know..."
Me: "Are you supposed to take your hangers out of the closet?"
Jon: "No..."
Me: "How am I supposed to hang up your nice clothes if I don't have hangers?"
Jon:"I don't know..."
Me: "Maybe I should just leave them on the floor to get all wrinkly. Maybe you can be the kid who gets his pictures taken with wrinkly clothes."
Jon: "NOOOOOOOO! I don't want to be wrinkled!"
Me: "Don't get mad at me, pal, you're the one who took off with all the hangers. So whose fault is it that your clothes are going to be wrinkly?"
Jon: "Probably yours. You shouldn't buy such fun hangers."