Noodle Boy is a nickname my son had when he was a tiny guy and I started this blog. His nickname changes all the time. (Don't worry, we keep his real name the same.) He is completely awesome. Read on and see for yourself!

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Papa can you hear me?

My dad came over today. That's always a harrowing adventure. He' a little rough around the edges and I find myself constantly reminding him to watch his mouth around my kid. Now that junior is crawling and getting ready to walk we have to take extra safety precautions around the house. Like making sure the toilet is closed. The little guy LOVES the toilet. Flushing it, putting things in it, whatever. I have this thing about the toilet being closed anyway because toilets are gross. There is nothing I hate more than walking into a bathroom and looking into an open toilet. It's like a giant punch bowl for human waste, for the love of God close it if you're not using it. So when the old man needed to use the facilities I gave him a btw about the lid. And when I went in shortly after him I saw that it was open. No biggie, he doesn't have small people around he just forgot. So then he went again. Again I went in shortly after and there is was hanging open, gaping at me like a mounted bass over a fireplace. Again I reminded him. Shut the lid dad, we don't want the kid to get into the toilet. And one more time before he left he went in again(It may sound like he needs to see a urologist but this was a fairly long visit so , you know.) After they were gone I went in to wash my hands and it happened again. SHUT THE GD TOILET!!!!!!!! I don't think he can come back, this toilet thing is not good for my nerves.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Babies R Us

I have mixed feelings about the Babies R Us changing stations. If you go into the women's restroom they have two or three of the Diaper Depot changing stations which totally suck. The flip down part is oval-shaped so there is no room to throw down a clean diaper and a portable wipes container. Also it doesn't quite fold down all the way so junior sort of rolls into the crack. Not handy. Not handy at all.


Unbeknownst to most shoppers there is another room on the other side of the store with a couch, a rocking chair and two full-sized changing tables that are stocked with diapers and wipes. How freakin' awesome is that? I have only recently discovered the secret changing room and I LOVE it. I'm a little pissed that they don't have a sign in the bathroom that reads "Please use secret changing room for non-sucky changing tables". And they should have a sign in the secret changing room that reads "Filling your diaper bag with our courtesy diapers and wipes is really kind of trashy and just ruins the experience for the next mom who needs the same size diaper as your kid and can't use one because you took them all home."

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

White Trash Moms

You've seen her. You've judged her. I have, too. The mom at the grocery store with loud kids in dirty t-shirts. The mom who put Diet Coke in the baby bottle because "it don't got no sugar in it" so it's ok. They are white trash moms. But now that I'm a mom I catch myself doing things that I never thought I would do when I had a kid. I have a feeling that every once in a while we all have white trash mom moments. So I'm here to tell you that sometimes it's o.k. to put your kid to bed in the clothes that he wore all day. SOMETIMES. But seriously most of the time you need to get some jammies on that guy. And occasionally, your kid will have snot on his/her face in public and you will have to wipe it off with your bare hand and then wipe it on your pants. It happens to the best of us. But for the most part let's try to maintain a smidge of class in our day-to-day routines ay, stay-at-home moms? Please look for future posts on white trash mom topics like only feeding your child croutons at restraunts that charge for children under 6 and how long you can be in public with a baby sporting a poopy diaper.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Not really a vacay

Oh man. We just got back from a short "vacation". It's really not a vacation though if you spend the whole time holding a grumpy baby. I couldn't put him down on the hotel floor, ew. And the play pen only keeps him happy for about 20 minutes and then the novelty wears off. It was very trying. Speaking of trying, try sleeping in the same room with a kid who has bat-like hearing. I swear he heard my eyes open when I had to get up to pee. Before I even had the covers pulled back he was peeking over the pen at me. "Bop." That's all he would say, and then he would lay back down. And on my way back from the bathroom the same thing. "Bop" and back down he went. It was very weird and Twilight Zoney. We are both very cranky this evening. Oh and then on the way home Katie (stepdaughter) missed the bus, the cat pooped in the carrier and I ran out of gas. And now my TV just blew up so I'm going to go have a beer. And maybe cry.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I need to watch my damn mouth.

I can't stop swearing. I love it. I can't even help myself, dirty words just fly out of my mouth and I have no control. So I need to start curbing it now before the boy is old enough to speak and starts dropping f-bombs at church. I love f-bombs. So I am going to try to stop that one first. But it's so effective! Nothing gets the dishes out of the sink faster than when I yell "Don't leave your effin' dishes in the sink, I'm not the g.d. maid!!!" Without the f-word they just sit there. Stinking up the kitchen. And the word moley is kind of a lame substitution for the s-word, unless you stick the f-bomb in front of it and say holy effin moley and then people really understand just how excited you are. This is going to be tricky.

Public Restrooms

I'm a germ-phobe. Always have been. So public bathrooms have never been a very good experience for me. But now it's even worse because when we are out and about I have to not only take care of my own business (as antibacterially as possible) but I also have to manage a diaper change with minimal exposure to other people's cooties. It's very trying. Not all public bathrooms are baby-friendly. And some of them that are baby-friendly are just freakin' gross. Seriously, why would you just leave poopy wipes folded up in the diaper changing station? People are gross. Also, not all diaper changing stations are created equal. Sometimes I wonder who designed some of those things. So I feel like it is my civic duty to report my diaper changing experiences in public places so other people know what they are getting into. I definitely have a list of places that I WON'T go to when I have the kid because it's just not worth the bathroom battle.