Greetings from the pirate ship, a.k.a. my couch.
I am getting over mono, so we've been on the couch a lot lately. Today Jon decided maybe it should be a pirate ship.
Off came the cushions, which became the port side of the ship and the end table and lamp are the mast. The Buddies are of course part of the crew. And I'm not sure why, but we have a ride-on firetruck on board making it pretty close quarters.
The Captain is pretty bossy, if I were one of those Buddies I would stage a mutiny.
I'm sure I don't have to tell you that, being on a pirate ship, we are looking for treasure. To my knowledge, the Captain has never seen any of the Austin Powers movies, but for some reason he keep saying "GOOOOOLD" the way Goldmember does and it concerns me a little.
I am apparently the worst first mate ever because I can't seem to drive this ship the right way and the Captain has yanked the pretend steering wheel out of my hands and steering us toward an island. And making race car sounds.
"This is a fast ship, Mom. You're not making fast enough sounds. I will do the driving, give me that steering wheel."
Upon arrival at our destination I received orders to drop the anchor, which I also did wrong.
"Ok, here goes the anchor! Splash."
"Wrong side, Mom. The anchor goes on this side."
"Oh, sorry, Captain. Splash."
"You didn't take it out of the other side yet, Mom." He is clearly disgusted. "You have to pull it up first from in the water."
Geez Louise, Captain. I corrected my anchor error and was given orders to stay with the ship while the Captain went out searching for GOOOOOLD. Which was fine by me because there was a mermaid holding up a TV not far from the ship and I was watching Cooking Channel.
When the Captain returned he did indeed have some gold. Somehow the Captain talked his dad into handing over his wedding band, because apparently we are just throwing those things around willy-nilly at our place these days.
"Hey, where'd you get that ring, Captain?"
"It's not a ring. It's my gold."
"Where'd you get that gold, Captain?"
"From my Papa. He gived it to me. It's my treasure," as he tosses it from hand to hand. Over the gaping crack in the couch that is wide open because there are no cushions on it and a 35 pound pirate is bouncing up and down.
"DAVE. COME GET THIS RING BEFORE THE COUCH SWALLOWS IT." Like it's going to be that easy.
"Jon, can I have my ring back?"
"I'm the Captain."
"Captain, can I have my ring back?"
"Never. It's my treasure." This made me laugh hysterically, which did not help the situation at all.
"I need that back, it's my wedding ring. Me and Mom have those because we're married and we need to wear them." Good call ding-dong, maybe leave it on next time.
"Nope, I'm married now Matey, and this is my TRRRREASURRRRRE!" And he hooked his arm around my neck, claiming me as well, I guess.
They went back and forth like this for quite awhile and finally Jon won. Dave retreated to the basement and I was left with a triumphant Captain and crew, who all got to try on the ring.
As of now, we are still sailing on the open sea. And the Captain just took my remote.