Noodle Boy is a nickname my son had when he was a tiny guy and I started this blog. His nickname changes all the time. (Don't worry, we keep his real name the same.) He is completely awesome. Read on and see for yourself!

Monday, July 9, 2012

Baseball game

Oh my word.
It's July.
Summer is half over.

I know that seems like a dramatic statement, but it really is for people in Iowa. For some stupid reason, our kids start school in the middle of August. So summer is whizzing by and I still haven't shared some of the cool stuff from last summer.
So...
I will likely be randomly posting about stuff that happened almost a year ago. Because in my funny little head, Jon is so fabulous that he should be immortalized and this blog is my best chance to make that happen.

Hey, nobody forced you to ride this crazy train, you people are lining up for tickets.

Last summer, my work had an "outing" with employees from other offices in our area and we went to watch the ICubs play at Principal Park . I was sure that Jon was going to have the time of his life.

At the time we were still pretty home based because I was sure that anything later than an 8 o'clock bedtime would warp my child, so a trip to town on a week night made me absolutely GIDDY. Like, up past ten on a school night giddy. Not sure why, for Pete's sake I was 32.

So we went downtown. Jon was pumped. We were having supper "somewhere". Jon loves supper "somewhere", which is any place but our house. We got to the ball field and did some family-friendly tailgating and Jon made fast friends with another little nut that was running around there. They pulled grass by the handful and stuck it down each others shirts and other little boy stuff. It was adorable.

Then it was time to go in. It was time for the BIG fun. Jon got to hold his very own ticket on the way in, which definitely started his night out on the right foot. He thought he was pretty hot stuff walking in the gate with his ticket pressed against his forehead so everybody could see it. The fact that every other person in the stadium had to have a ticket to get in was lost on him. As far as he knew, he had the golden ticket.

Another plus was getting to have snacks after supper. His very own bag of popcorn to spill AND a pretzel. And that was before we even got to our seats! We could have gone home right then and he would have thought it was a banner evening.

The Black Guy
In we marched, found our seats and sat down. And out popped a typical Jon statement. "Hey mom, why's that black guy got such a big belly?" Oh dear God. "Hey, Buddy? Let's ask questions in our quiet voice okay? And let's not talk about people's bellies." "But he keeps shaking it around. Look!" And of course he points. Why wouldn't he point?
Well it turns out the "black guy" was really a white umpire in a black shirt and hat, and his "belly" was that pad thing they wear to keep from getting whacked in the chest. Whew. Dodged that socially awkward bullet. After that it was so loud that nobody would be able to hear any of his chirping, so I felt pretty good about the rest of the night.

Giant Hot Dog
It was your typical baseball game. There were mascot races. Jon was terrified when the giant Kum and Go hotdog ran through the stands.






Cubby Bear-not wearing pants
Cubby Bear wandered around and hugged kids and pretended he didn't hear Jon ask why he didn't wear pants.







We headed home before the game was over, Jon was tired and was very sweetly asking if we could go home since it was dark. It was a great night. A night I was sure Jon would remember fondly for the rest of his life.
Not one that would end in screaming the whole way home.
Because for the love of everything holy, WE MISSED DORA.
A magical night of fun and snacking and mascots trumped by that little bitch and her talking monkey.
Thanks for nothing, Nick, Jr.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

What Jon Said

Me to some random driver:"Nice turning signal, Jackass!"
Jon: "MOM, we don't say 'Jackass.' Next time, take a deep breath and think of a different word to say. BREATHE AND THINK when you're mad."
Me:"Hey! It's not okay for you to say 'Jackass', even if you're telling me it's not nice."
Jon: "See it happened again, I don't think you breathed and thinked, Mom."

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Jon using the Loud Kid Whisper at church: "Mom, who frows up on these cushions?"
Me: "What?!"
Jon: "These cushion...who frows up on them?"
Me: "What are you talking about?"
Jon: "You said not to put my shoes on the Puke Cushions. Do people puke at church?"
Me: "PEW cushions. This bench is called a PEW and this is the cushion that goes on it. Pew cushion, not puke cushion."

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Me: "Hey buddy, that's not a very good choice. We've talked about this before. I almost dropped this whole plate of hamburgers when you jumped out and scared me."
Jon: "Sorry, Mom."
Me: "Stop laughing! I'm being serious! What if I had dropped our food out here on the ground? We wouldn't have anything to eat for supper. That wouldn't be very funny, would it?"
Jon: "No....but I bet the cat would think it's funny."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me: "Um, Sir? Where exactly are all of your hangers?"
Jon: "I don't know..."
Me: "Are you supposed to take your hangers out of the closet?"
Jon: "No..."
Me: "How am I supposed to hang up your nice clothes if I don't have hangers?"
Jon:"I don't know..."
Me: "Maybe I should just leave them on the floor to get all wrinkly. Maybe you can be the kid who gets his pictures taken with wrinkly clothes."
Jon: "NOOOOOOOO! I don't want to be wrinkled!"
Me: "Don't get mad at me, pal, you're the one who took off with all the hangers. So whose fault is it that your clothes are going to be wrinkly?"
Jon: "Probably yours. You shouldn't buy such fun hangers."

Saturday, March 10, 2012

A brief update

Boys love Legos.
Boys love Star Wars.

Apparently it's something in their DNA.  He got his first Legos for his birthday and made the declaration that he had "ALWAYS WANTED DESE KIND OF BLOCKS!" before the package was even opened.  And before today,  Jon had never heard of Star Wars.

So, what is the only thing cooler than Legos or Star Wars?

Underwear with Legos AND Star Wars on them.  Oh yes, they exist.  Thank you, Costco.



Jon and I were rolling into my favorite money-sucker and there they were, in all their glory, right inside the door on a display that was taller than his funny little head.


"MOM, who are those guys with helmets on that underwear?!"

"Those are Star Wars guys."

"What's a Star Wars?"

"It's a movie."

"I LOVE that movie!"

"You've never seen it.  It's not for boys who are only four."

"I know.  But it's my favorite.  Can I get these?"

"You have exactly thirteen pairs of underwear at home, and there are only seven days in a week.  You don't need anymore underwear, let's roll."

"I know but, LOOK.  Legos, too.  ON THE SAME ONES."
We were the first people in the door, so it wasn't like the place was packed.  But we were still, in fact, RIGHT inside the door.  We had to ask the card checker lady to move to get to the tower of skivvies.  And let me tell you, Costco shoppers have things to get done on a Saturday morning.  They don't care about four year olds who may or may not be in the market for fun undies, we needed to get the heck out of the way.

"You know what? People are busy today trying to get their shopping done so they can do something fun, we have to get moving."

"I KNOW, let's go." And he casually tosses a package of way too tiny underwear in the cart.

"Buggy, I didn't say yes, and these aren't' even your size!"

"But mom I need 'em!"

"Ok, fine.  Help me find your size.  It has a green square on top, that one is blue-too small."

My need to get out of the doorway at Costco trumped my need to stick to my guns and not get the really unnecessary underwear.

"Found 'em!"

FINALLY, on our merry way when we run into THIS display:


Critter footed socks.
You can see how that conversation ended.