Me to some random driver:"Nice turning signal, Jackass!"
Jon: "MOM, we don't say 'Jackass.' Next time, take a deep breath and think of a different word to say. BREATHE AND THINK when you're mad."
Me:"Hey! It's not okay for you to say 'Jackass', even if you're telling me it's not nice."
Jon: "See it happened again, I don't think you breathed and thinked, Mom."
Jon using the Loud Kid Whisper at church: "Mom, who frows up on these cushions?"
Jon: "These cushion...who frows up on them?"
Me: "What are you talking about?"
Jon: "You said not to put my shoes on the Puke Cushions. Do people puke at church?"
Me: "PEW cushions. This bench is called a PEW and this is the cushion that goes on it. Pew cushion, not puke cushion."
Me: "Hey buddy, that's not a very good choice. We've talked about this before. I almost dropped this whole plate of hamburgers when you jumped out and scared me."
Jon: "Sorry, Mom."
Me: "Stop laughing! I'm being serious! What if I had dropped our food out here on the ground? We wouldn't have anything to eat for supper. That wouldn't be very funny, would it?"
Jon: "No....but I bet the cat would think it's funny."
Me: "Um, Sir? Where exactly are all of your hangers?"
Jon: "I don't know..."
Me: "Are you supposed to take your hangers out of the closet?"
Me: "How am I supposed to hang up your nice clothes if I don't have hangers?"
Jon:"I don't know..."
Me: "Maybe I should just leave them on the floor to get all wrinkly. Maybe you can be the kid who gets his pictures taken with wrinkly clothes."
Jon: "NOOOOOOOO! I don't want to be wrinkled!"
Me: "Don't get mad at me, pal, you're the one who took off with all the hangers. So whose fault is it that your clothes are going to be wrinkly?"
Jon: "Probably yours. You shouldn't buy such fun hangers."